5. The Trek: Saddle Peak Hills to Sheep Canyon

Following is an excerpt from the working draft of my book:

…With the afternoon came a change in weather. The winds idled down until they disappeared completely. The crunching sound of gravel beneath my feet soon came to a halt while I knelt to inspect a resting butterfly. Instantly, I was overcome with a silence that is best described as intense. It was as if time itself had stopped along with the wind. With no movement of any type, the desert was frozen and the effect was a heavy and hollow sound of complete silence. I was surrounded by a thick stillness found only in a photograph. The sensation was quite foreign to my ears and my mind remained frozen for what seemed like an hour.

It was silence so definite, that I am convinced I heard the flapping of wings as the butterfly took flight. Even though I had run out of water this morning, climbed 4,000 feet, and taken a few wrong turns along the way, at this moment, I could find no reason to complain about any aspect of my day… or my life for that matter. I found such contentment in this event that, for the first time in my life, I truly longed for nothing more than what I had.

I began to pass into a shallow score in the earth a few hours later. Fresh mountain lion scat was along my path as I made my way deeper into this narrowing wash. I began to feel a sense of concern as the walls grew taller at my flanks. Hollow impressions that looked perfect for housing a hungry cat soon appeared high in the rock. I began looking behind me periodically as I made my way through the fading evening light, knowing that mountain lions allow their prey to pass before they strike. I kept telling myself that I was too big to be attacked, but when you are alone, this alone, you tend to feel very vulnerable. And knowing how very rare food is in this environment, I just might be worth taking on because of the rather gluttonous payoff.

Acknowledging this thought was not as intimidating as one may think. Once I had a moment to think, I grew much calmer than I was previously. I generally find that we tend to put too much importance upon our own species, giving us a poor vantage point from which to view our rightful place. When I was forced to succumb to the fact that another animal was better suited for killing me than I was for killing it, I couldn’t help but be humbled. I gained newfound respect that night and simply took my place in a newly realized hierarchy. I came to further understand that I was simply part of the world, not its owner.

I know that this initial feeling of insignificance would have been harder for me to immediately accept back in society. But, tonight it lead to a much greater feeling of importance through belonging, as the relationship that all living things share grew slowly from the darkness. This realization energized me that night in a way that still lingers with me today. I couldn’t help but feel motivated to want to make the world a better place, even for the lion I scanned the hills for as I zipped up my sleeping bag for the night.